I found my problem.

Problem with what?

I’m glad you asked. No, not a health problem or social issue. My problem concerns my writing and my problem is that I can’t write from a prompt. Unless it is a prompt about something I think about constantly, my mind will otherwise go as blank as the page. Which is no damn fun at all. Not that I need to tell you that. . .any writer could relate. 

I’m not scared of the blank page so much as I am my own inability to remember anything worth writing about from my life when it needs to meet guidelines. Even if the prompt is vague, broad, and free-formed. . . I will begin to understand that absolutely nothing interesting has ever happened to me in my 21 years of life. Though this is not true, of course. I could write a memoir with my experiences. Maybe I will.  .  . can one write a memoir online? Is that too far? Am I crossing the line between public and private/cyber and real life? 

Still, prompts really get the drool dripping from the corner of my mouth sometimes. 

When is the last time you really felt alive? 

Think of a moment in your life when everything clicked. An “Ah-ha!”, lightbulb kind of moment. Write about it. 

Where is the last place on earth you would like to see before you passed away? 

When was the last time you truly felt at home? What was that like? Use all 5 senses. 

Okay, you get the idea. . . those are all fake, I made them up, but they sound real, right? I’ve read many prompts in my time and only a few have ever produced something and more than that have been for school assignments. I love to write, but my creative mind has an on and off switch. I can’t call on it when I’m not ready to write. It’s like my heart isn’t always ready to escape reality yet, because it’s too soon to process what I’ve seen. Creativity is a way of making the physical and emotional parts of life collide to produce a tangible hybrid of real and unreal, felt and unfelt, seen and unseen. 

I must subject myself deep into the pools of experience and social interactions for a period, before I can really create something worthwhile. Unfortunately, this is not actually beneficial since not exercising one’s writing muscles can be pretty degenerative, even after short periods of time. 

I wish there was a medicine for this problem. Perhaps it’s the lack of confidence in my ability to be creative at the drop of a coin. If they could only start selling confidence by the bottle. . .

(I’m refraining from making an obnoxious comment about “liquid courage” here)